SOUND THE TRUMPETS! LET THE FESTIVITIES COMMENCE!

Eight-term Indiana Representative Mark Souder tripped over his own family values today and adds his name to the exceedingly long list of Republican hypocrites who speak two different messages from each of their heads.

Admitting to illicit carnal knowledge of a female aide who worked in his district office, Souder officially announced his resignation from the House of Representatives and the withdrawal of his re-election bid effective Friday, May 23.

In a speech reminiscent of Jimmy Swaggart's (right down to the tears) Souder stated he "sinned against God, my wife and my family by having a mutual relationship with a part-time member of my staff." Those with strong stomachs can read the full text of Souder's statement here on (shudder) the FOX News website.