Points to Ponder

Birds of a feather flock together. Usually near the car wash so they can group-crap on my car.

When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself. I always feel better right away.

A penny saved is a government oversight. There hasn't been any government oversight for the last six years, however.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. I'm still working on this one.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends. And beer, as well as being a great source of Vitamin P, is an excellent source of "beer gut enzyme". I look like a lower case "b" stacked on top of a lower case"r". . .

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. I have approximately 517 "smart" remote controls.

He who hesitates is probably right. He who is "right" is probably wrong. Thus, I never hesitate. . .

Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are " XL.". I seem to be a "37". . .

If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody. Consider yourself fortunate.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame. I don't think I've ever seen Bush without some sort of wierd smile on his mug. . .

The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble. This can backfire if you pick long names for your kids.

There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.

Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "Theirs". In case you forget that, they will remind you. . .

The wife said that my spending $25 a week on beer wasn't in our budget, but she spent $60 on cosmetics. She said it was to make herself attractive for me. I told her that's what the beer was for. I don't think she's coming back.