Thief Aids in His Own Capture

Since we're already on the subject of criminal masterminds (see prior post), another genius up in Lew Scannon's neck of the woods was arrested Monday after a failed attempt at theft of hunting knives. By concealment on his person. OPEN hunting knives. Stuffed into his pockets. . .my hand just automatically coiled down to protect Big Jim and the Twins after reading that.

The man, who has a record of retail fraud, had stuffed nearly $300 worth of hunting knives into the waistband of his pants, when employees of the Meijer Superstore in Grand Rapids attempted to confront him. In his attempt to flee from the smocked army, he tripped, fell, and stabbed himself in the abdomen. Police dusted the knife for prints and charged the man with retail theft, causing a public disturbance, and attempted indoctrination into the Darwin Awards.

From an eyewitness shopper:

I saw a man laying down on the mat by the carts, a knife by him with blood on the full blade of the knife," shopper Heather Dodd told WOOD-TV. "It was not a dull kitchen knife or a sharp butcher's knife, it was somewhere in between.

"Someone was holding him down so I just walked around him, grabbed my cart, made sure everything was OK and got out of the way."

Why does that bother me more than the bleeding idiot? "He's bleeding, he's restrained. . .okay. What aisle is the Campbell's soup in? Michael Bains should be reporting this one. . .