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Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Dead Men Cash No Checks

Not wanting to let an opportunity for a financial windfall pass, New York criminal masterminds David J. Dalaia and James O'Hare concocted a brilliant scheme to earn a quick $355 - remove their dead neighbor from his apartment, place him in an office chair, and wheel him down to the local check-cashing outlet to cash his Social Security check.

The pair ran into a few snags along the way. They were unable to fully dress Virgilio Cintron's corpse, having to cover his lap with a jacket when his pants refused to pull all of the way up (DAMN that rigor mortis!). And onlookers during the trio's one-block journey wondered about the man in the office chair who's body was bouncing around like, well, a dead body.

Then, after leaving Cintron's body outside the store, the pair presented the check to the clerk inside who just happened to know Mr.Cintron since. . .wait for it. . .Pay-O-Matic was the nearest check-cashing outfit to the man's apartment and he usually cashed his SS checks there. When asked for ID, the men stated that Cintron was right outside and they would go get him.

In the meantime, drawn by the crowd surrounding the obviously deceased man in an office chair, a police detective who was having lunch at a restaurant next door became curious and stepped outside to appraise the situation. Uniformed officers from the local precinct were quickly called in, Dalaia and O'Hare were apprehended, and Mr.Cintron's check was saved. For all eternity.

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3 Comments:

Blogger Parson said...

Comming soon to a Theater near you!

Weekend at Bernie's III
"Old heroes never die, they just cash the Social Security checks!"

"You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll kiss $9.00 goodbye."
-News Sentinel
"It's a movie from beginning to end!"
-Journal Gazette
"2 snaps UP with a twist"
-FortWayneNews.com

title="comment permalink">January 09, 2008 10:23 PM  
Blogger Jeff Pruitt said...

This is the kind of social security fraud that's ruining it for all of us. How many more (thousands? millions?) people are wheeling their dead neighbor into the local check cashing joint to commit fraud?

title="comment permalink">January 10, 2008 10:43 AM  
Blogger Parson said...

hmmm, John is getting up there in age. I wonder how long he will keep in the freezer if we only take him out once a month to cash his check.

title="comment permalink">January 10, 2008 6:10 PM  

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