From Both Sides Now. . .
If women had control over what courses men should study. Following will be top 25 courses for that :
- You Too Can Do Housework
- Learning When To Keep Your Mouth Shut
- How To Fill An Ice Cube Tray
- Understanding the Female Response To You Coming In Drunk At 4 AM
- Wonderful Laundry Techniques
- Parenting – No, It Doesn't End With Conception
- Get a Life – Learn How To Cook
- How Not To Act Like a Butthead When You Are Obviously Wrong
- Spelling – Even You Can Get It Right
- Understanding Your Financial Incompetence
- Reasons To Give Flowers
- How To Stay Awake After
- Why It Is Unacceptable To Relieve Yourself
- Anywhere But the Bathroom
- Garbage – Getting It To the Curb
- You – The Weaker Sex
- You Can Fall Asleep Without It If You Really Try
- The Weekend and Sports Are Not Synonymous
- How To Put The Toilet Seat Down
- How To Go Shopping With Your Mate and Not Get Lost
- The Remote Control – Overcoming Your Dependency
- How Not To Act Younger Than Your Children
- You Too Can Be a Designated Driver
- Fluffing the Blankets After Farting is Not Necessary
- How To Take Illness Like a Man
Women think they already know everything.
But wait…training courses are now available for women on the following subjects:
1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before
2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits
3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits
4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait Till After The Game
5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too
6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His
7. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, not the First
8. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking
9. Communication Skills III: Getting What you Want Without Nagging
10. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire
11. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up
12. Introduction to Parking
13. Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space
14. Water Retention: Fact or Fat
15. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter
16. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not for Human Consumption
17. Cooking III: How not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People
18. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully
19. PMS: Your Problem…Not His
20. Dancing: Why Men Don’t Like To
21. Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have
22. Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice
23. Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together
24. Oil and Gas: Your Car Needs Both
25. TV Remotes: For Men Only
Reporting live from my new home in the back yard, I'm John Good. Good night and. . . good luck!
Labels: battle of the sexes, Humor
posted by John Good @ 8:13 PM
8 Comments:
"Understanding the Female Response To You Coming In Drunk At 4 AM"
If I had only taken that class!
I'm holding a "special ed" edition of that class out here in the back forty - DO bring your own tent, beer, and bug spray; the skeeters here are transplanted from Texas as of late!
Does your class offer "400 Level (.17 BAC and higher) Excuse-making?"
That's where I'm coming from.
Yes! But you'll need the "signed waiver". . . YOU know the drill!
Actually, I'd LOVE to know how to do #9.
Unfortunately, every man I've ever met has had no clue what a "gentle hint" or a "reasonable request" mean, and require "Hitting over the head with a Louisville Slugger Repeatedly" in order to get their butts into gear.
I think my husband and son would like me to take course #17. They like meat...I won't cook it.
Other than that, I'm perfect. ;-)
If you end up sleeping in that hamick
in your back yard can I stop by and shine a flash light in your eyes?
Sew - Try Post-it Notes. Lots and LOTS of Post-it Notes!!
ME - I just KNOW there's a nun/none joke in that comment, but I'll behave! ;)
Parson - I'm guessing Mark gets first dibs on that!! And, if I did sleep out back this week, with ALL THE MOSQUITOES, all that would be left in the AM would be a dried out husk of me!
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