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Sunday, September 09, 2007

From Both Sides Now. . .

If women had control over what courses men should study. Following will be top 25 courses for that :

  1. You Too Can Do Housework

  2. Learning When To Keep Your Mouth Shut

  3. How To Fill An Ice Cube Tray

  4. Understanding the Female Response To You Coming In Drunk At 4 AM

  5. Wonderful Laundry Techniques

  6. Parenting – No, It Doesn't End With Conception

  7. Get a Life – Learn How To Cook

  8. How Not To Act Like a Butthead When You Are Obviously Wrong

  9. Spelling – Even You Can Get It Right

  10. Understanding Your Financial Incompetence

  11. Reasons To Give Flowers

  12. How To Stay Awake After

  13. Why It Is Unacceptable To Relieve Yourself

  14. Anywhere But the Bathroom

  15. Garbage – Getting It To the Curb

  16. You – The Weaker Sex

  17. You Can Fall Asleep Without It If You Really Try

  18. The Weekend and Sports Are Not Synonymous

  19. How To Put The Toilet Seat Down

  20. How To Go Shopping With Your Mate and Not Get Lost

  21. The Remote Control – Overcoming Your Dependency

  22. How Not To Act Younger Than Your Children

  23. You Too Can Be a Designated Driver

  24. Fluffing the Blankets After Farting is Not Necessary

  25. How To Take Illness Like a Man

Women think they already know everything.
But wait…training courses are now available for women on the following subjects:

1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before

2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits

3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits

4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait Till After The Game

5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too

6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His

7. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, not the First

8. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking

9. Communication Skills III: Getting What you Want Without Nagging

10. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire

11. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up

12. Introduction to Parking

13. Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space

14. Water Retention: Fact or Fat

15. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter

16. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not for Human Consumption

17. Cooking III: How not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People

18. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully

19. PMS: Your Problem…Not His

20. Dancing: Why Men Don’t Like To

21. Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have

22. Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice

23. Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together

24. Oil and Gas: Your Car Needs Both

25. TV Remotes: For Men Only

Reporting live from my new home in the back yard, I'm John Good. Good night and. . . good luck!

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Blogger Andrew Kaduk said...

"Understanding the Female Response To You Coming In Drunk At 4 AM"

If I had only taken that class!

title="comment permalink">September 09, 2007 9:20 PM  
Blogger John Good said...

I'm holding a "special ed" edition of that class out here in the back forty - DO bring your own tent, beer, and bug spray; the skeeters here are transplanted from Texas as of late!

title="comment permalink">September 09, 2007 9:24 PM  
Blogger Andrew Kaduk said...

Does your class offer "400 Level (.17 BAC and higher) Excuse-making?"

That's where I'm coming from.

title="comment permalink">September 09, 2007 9:56 PM  
Blogger John Good said...

Yes! But you'll need the "signed waiver". . . YOU know the drill!

title="comment permalink">September 09, 2007 9:59 PM  
Blogger Sewmouse said...

Actually, I'd LOVE to know how to do #9.

Unfortunately, every man I've ever met has had no clue what a "gentle hint" or a "reasonable request" mean, and require "Hitting over the head with a Louisville Slugger Repeatedly" in order to get their butts into gear.

title="comment permalink">September 10, 2007 10:27 AM  
Blogger Mary Ellen said...

I think my husband and son would like me to take course #17. They like meat...I won't cook it.

Other than that, I'm perfect. ;-)

title="comment permalink">September 10, 2007 11:58 AM  
Blogger Parson said...

If you end up sleeping in that hamick
in your back yard can I stop by and shine a flash light in your eyes?

title="comment permalink">September 10, 2007 7:45 PM  
Blogger John Good said...

Sew - Try Post-it Notes. Lots and LOTS of Post-it Notes!!

ME - I just KNOW there's a nun/none joke in that comment, but I'll behave! ;)

Parson - I'm guessing Mark gets first dibs on that!! And, if I did sleep out back this week, with ALL THE MOSQUITOES, all that would be left in the AM would be a dried out husk of me!

title="comment permalink">September 10, 2007 8:04 PM  

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