Today's Quotes

"A new poll shows that one in five Americans believe they can't trust President Bush. To put it another way, more Americans would be comfortable accepting a ride from Nicole Ritchie." --David Letterman

"This is an anniversary. Do you know what happened on this day in 2003? We found Saddam Hussein. And isn't it nice that since we've captured Saddam Hussein, we haven't had to worry about terrorism or nuts with nuclear weapons? Everything's so much better now" --David Letterman

“I must tell you, I'm sleeping a lot better than people would assume.” - George W. Bush,

"This is kind of scary. The new head of the House intelligence committee, Congressman Silvestre Reyes, failed a quiz on terrorist organizations. He didn't know the difference between a Sunni and a Shiite, didn't seem to know what Hezbollah was. So apparently, the term 'intelligence committee' is just a suggestion." --Jay Leno

"All great questions must be raised by great voices, and the greatest voice is the voice of the people - speaking out - in prose, or painting or poetry or music; speaking out - in homes and halls, streets and farms, courts and cafes - let that voice speak and the stillness you hear will be the gratitude of mankind." - Robert Kennedy Jan 22, 1963

"The idiot president of Iran ... is holding a conference on whether or not the Holocaust actually took place. ... The good news? The conference is being catered by Taco Bell." --Jay Leno

"President Bush actually said today he will not be rushed into a decision about Iraq. I guess one time is enough for him." --Jay Leno

"This week a top general at the Pentagon said the War on Terror could take a 100 years to fight. President Bush was furious about the 100-year prediction and said, 'Stop setting a fixed timetable.'" --Conan O'Brien