Headlines from the year 2029
Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California.
White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.
Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.
Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.
Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).
Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.
Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesday only.
85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.
Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.
New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.
Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.
IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.
Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.
posted by John Good @ 2:17 PM
8 Comments:
Well at least we are still here in 2029. That gives me hope. All other species, however, are terrified at the prospect that we humans are still screwing up the planet we all share.
I think some Saturday morning group that meets for breakfast should come up with their own list.
Last known amphibian dies from 16 variations of melanoma.
U.S. Released Government files reveal that the Bush Regime was behind the 911 attacks and Mossad sent the Anthrax.
This news was overshadowed by the Destruction of the Twin Babel Towers of Freedom by A Tazmanian Terror Cell flying hovercraft into it. National Security Administrator Condileeza Rice #2(a clone as Hermaphrodites can't reproduce naturally) announced that no one had any idea that such an attack would occur.
This was backed up by Propaganda Minister Goebbells Reilly who also happened to be majority owner of the Babel Towers of Freedom.
I like the Mexifornia idea.
I'll bet money that this one will indeed be a corect headline in 2029:
Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.
"Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut."
My wife USED to like your blog a lot, since she's a battle scarred True-Blue and you two are philisophically parallel.
Now she think's you're as bad as I am.
:) Nice work. I'm still laughing (on the inside).
My wife USED to like your blog a lot, since she's a battle scarred True-Blue and you two are philisophically parallel.
Then there IS some hope yet. I will NOT "stay the course" and attempt to reach out to her once more. The poor woman! "I feel yer pain!!"
Aww, I think you had her at "Then"
Wow...we're going to still be around in 2029?
Bet that's got the Libertarians salivating...lol!
And all this time, here I was using that Mayan calendar thing that states we're gonna "buy the farm" on December 21, 2012.
Better not cancel those holiday plans...just yet.
B.G.
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