Rush Limbaugh, following the trail of Barack Hussein Obama, dropped to the sand today on the beaches of Oahu. Sources at the scene have reported that the aging windbag was randomly digging holes in the sand whilst muttering about "the REAL birth certificate being here SOME where", when he screamed like a little girl and collapsed into a gelatinous heap on the fine white sand.
Mr.Limbaugh has had similar muckraking related back spasm episodes in the past, which he has famously blamed for his addiction to prescription pain pills. Most recently, the flabulous commentator threw out his lower back while contorting wildly in his chair during an impossible imitation of Michael J. Fox. Limbaugh denied making fun of Mr.Fox, blaming his contortions on the sudden reappearance of his old anal cyst, which had also prevented him from serving in the military years earlier.
Medics rushed the blovial blowhard to Queens Medical Center, where he refused to enter, proclaiming his strong objection to anything involving queens of any sort. After three attempts at sedation, and promises of discreet billing information, he acquiesced and was moved to a private room, placed on a heavy IV drip, and was resting as comfortably as one can under the influence of extreme depressants. In an effort to ease his trip back to the mainland, former GOP speaker Denny Hastert has graciously offered the use of his private jet, complete with oversized, overstained, and completely disgusting extra wide first class seat, officially making the duo "butt buddies" of the worst kind.