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Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Women - In Translation

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with ‘nothing’ usually end in ‘fine’.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually not a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of ‘nothing’.)

(6) That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. ‘That’s okay’ means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you’re welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ - which is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’ . that will bring on a ‘whatever’).

(8) Whatever: Is a woman’s way of saying F– YOU!

(9) Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to # 3.

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3 Comments:

Blogger Dusty said...

I sigh...a lot. ;p

title="comment permalink">December 03, 2008 3:38 AM  
Blogger Kvatch said...

You've forgotten:

"Does this make me look fat?"

This is a 'no-win' trap designed to ensnare the inexperienced. An experienced man knows that there is only one proper response:

"Honey you are as slim and beautiful as the day we met."

title="comment permalink">December 03, 2008 10:30 AM  
Blogger Stan Matuska said...

(10) I'm just saying...: This means to leave it alone. If you utter another word, be prepared for (8).

(11) To me: This means I am right and you are wrong. Again, be prepared for (8) if you say anything further.

title="comment permalink">December 03, 2008 1:48 PM  

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