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Friday, October 05, 2007

Sherry Enema Leads to Man's Death

This has to be THE craziest news story that I heard all week, hands down! Or bottoms up, as it were. . .

CHARGES of negligent homicide have been dropped against a Texas woman who was accused of giving her husband a sherry enema that killed him. Tammy Jean Warner had been indicted in the May 2004 over the death of Michael Warner, 58, but the Brazoria County District Attorney's office said today the charge was dropped a month ago due to lack of evidence. At the time of Warner's indictment in 2005, police told the Chronicle the woman had given her husband two large bottles of sherry, which raised his blood alcohol level to 0.47 per cent, or nearly six times the level considered legally drunk in Texas.She told the newspaper her husband was addicted to enemas and often used alcohol in that manner.

From the additional information that I gleened from the radio today, Mr.Warner had a lifelong addiction to enemas that began in his childhood. I have lots of questions about that, especially for his parents, but I think I'm more comfortable remaining "in the dark". Yikes - this IS one of those stories that just naturally produce double entendres!

Now, don't get me wrong, I enjoy drinking beer and the occasional shot or two, but. . .most of the pleasure from that comes from the oral introduction of those items; it's a critical part of the process. A cold beer feels great in a hot dry throat, and the warmth from a shot of your favorite poison carries it's own sensory effect.

I'm having trouble understanding the disconnect here - at what point does one come to the conclusion of "I really need to get drunk, but man. . .all that drinking just tires me out! Maybe if I just shove a bottle of gin up my ass? YEAH, that's the ticket! But. . .I don't even wish to expend THAT much of an effort. Perhaps my wife would enjoy ramming a fifth of vodka into my rectum? Honey? I have an odd request. . .".

I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the idea of not drinking even a sip of alcohol, and yet suddenly being "drunk off of your ass". See? Can't get away from those double entendres! Embalming will not be needed, as this guy has already been pickled.

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Blogger Hill said...


OK. Must. Breathe. Now.


title="comment permalink">October 05, 2007 10:02 PM  
Blogger Mary Ellen said...

No wonder he was never invited to go out drinking with the guys. Sheesh...

title="comment permalink">October 05, 2007 10:54 PM  
Blogger Parson said...

I wonder he will be buried upside down?

Bottoms up!! *hic*

title="comment permalink">October 06, 2007 12:08 AM  
Blogger Fini Finito said...

You forgot the visuals!

title="comment permalink">October 06, 2007 1:06 AM  
Blogger Vic DeMize said...

Don't ya just love those stories that write themselves?

See ya later... I'm gonna go get shit-faced.

title="comment permalink">October 06, 2007 8:39 AM  
Blogger Pam said...


"Shit-faced". Eww!

title="comment permalink">October 06, 2007 12:50 PM  
Blogger Stan Matuska said...

Hey, if you've never tried it - don't knock it. I'm not saying I ever have, mind you - it might just be good!!! I used to think ketchup with scrambled eggs was gross, but after trying it, I liked it! You first though =)

title="comment permalink">October 07, 2007 9:27 PM  
Blogger John Good said...

Stan - You know how you can get the hiccups when you drink too much? Well. . .just imagine. . .


title="comment permalink">October 07, 2007 9:29 PM  

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