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Thursday, December 14, 2006

Questions

I wanna know!

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

What is the speed of darkness?

Are there specially reserved parking spaces for "normal" people at the Special Olympics?

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

Do you cry under water?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's butt."

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their butt when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does your Obstetrician, Gynecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream??

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Stop singing and read on . . . . . .. . . . .

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

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7 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

ROFLMAO at some of those!!

Wish I had some answers for you, John!!

title="comment permalink">December 14, 2006 8:33 AM  
Blogger Sewmouse said...

Great list!

I heard the first one differently tho, some time ago:

Bob: I slept like a baby!
Sally: Oh, so you woke up every 4 hours screaming your lungs out and wanting a tit in your mouth?

title="comment permalink">December 14, 2006 9:38 AM  
Blogger Stan Matuska said...

LOl!!! I want to know what was the greatest thing before sliced bread?

title="comment permalink">December 14, 2006 10:24 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

We may never know the answers to these questions...

title="comment permalink">December 14, 2006 5:31 PM  
Blogger Robert Rouse said...

That does it, I'm going to start marketing my solar powered flashlights right away!

title="comment permalink">December 14, 2006 7:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

WOW! That is most of the list that I have of things that keep me awake at night. One more: When a song doesn't have a singer, how can it be a song? Isn't that just music?

title="comment permalink">December 14, 2006 9:09 PM  
Blogger John Good said...

Pam - The answers are likely more worrisome than the questions!

Sew - I see no problem with waking up with a tit in my mouth! ;)

Stan - No! Since you were there, please tell US! lol

Mark - At least we'll have traditions to pass down to those who follow us.

Robert - What's up with those gel flashlights that are out now? Shake them and they light forever. Do I WANT to know the secret ingredient??

Undeniable - THERE'S that avatar that we love! lol And, in response to your query, THAT'S called "elevator music". . .What SCARED me was hearing "We are the Champions" in that format! And THAT was back in like 1985. . .yikes I'm old.

title="comment permalink">December 14, 2006 9:25 PM  

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