Memo to all House Pages
Stolen without remorse from Whitehouse.org
FROM: Dennis Hastert, Speaker of the House
TO: All House Pages
PRIORITY: HIGH
RE: Intra-Congressional Miscommunications
In lieu of recent events, it is imperative that all pages be clear on their respective Representative's intent when communicating by e-mail, instant message or via traditional verbal form. Unfortunately, it is not uncommon for inexperienced and highly-expendable teenagers to misinterpret the sometimes ambiguous codes and complex shorthand used by Congressmen since the time of our great forefathers.
Below you will find a list of commonly misunderstood phrases, accompanied by their literal meanings. Please commit these translations to memory, as any alternate interpretations from this point forward will be considered a mistake on the part of
the page and may result in disciplinary action up to and including premature termination and/or spanking.
Message: "LOL"
Translation: I am laughing while I type at my computer.
Message: "TTYL"
Translation: We will speak at another engagement.
Message: "How often do U work out?"
Translation: If there is a last minute vote, please contact me via my pager as I may be out of cell phone range.
Message: "What are U wearing?"
Translation: This Friday will be "Casual Friday." Please feel free to wear khakis with a matching and appropriate sport coat. Ties are not optional.
Message: "Are UR pants off?"
Translation: Please schedule cocktail meeting for next Thursday with members from the House Committee on Judicial Matters. Pre-order two cases of Booker's bourbon.
Message: "Sometimes nothing feels better than a good rub down after a long day of work. Have U been rubbed down?"
Translation: Please confirm my travel arrangements for
Saturday's speaking engagement at the Elks Lodge.
Message: "Did U touch urself today?"
Translation: Please send the constituent surveys to the mailroom for automatic stamping.
posted by John Good @ 6:17 AM
7 Comments:
ROFLMAO!!!!
Oh that is just wrong lol!
LOL
*see definition above*
You know that fat sleezeball Hastert probably WOULD do something like that if he thought he could get away with it.
Where did my comment go?
Yes. . .it's finally OUR turn to laugh. . . .=)
Human - Is one missing that I should check through my e-mail for?
Hi John. All I can say I know it was there. It included a link to an article and as per my SOP I, after commenting reloaded to make sure it was there and clicked on the link to make sure it worked. A bit after my machine started freezing up so maybe it's on my end.
Beans and Dogs are ready, I'll be back later. It's an article that is too good and should hearten you and others who want to see a change.
Peace.
If it was the Kansas story, you left that in the last post. =)
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