Comic's Round Up

"President Bush met with the Dalai Lama yesterday. It was a good meeting. The Dalai Lama taught President Bush how to meditate, and President Bush taught the Dalai Lama how to just nod off at meetings." - Jay Leno

"The Dalai Lama had a private meeting with President Bush...Believe it or not, they actually have a lot in common. One of the goals of Zen Buddhism is to completely empty your mind. The president did that years ago." - Jimmy Kimmel

"Condoleezza Rice, bless her heart, is trying to work out a peace agreement between the Palestinians and the Israelis. That's about as doable as she is" - David Letterman

"Did you hear that Dick Cheney and Barack Obama are cousins? It's strange, isn't it? In a related story, 20 years ago, it turns out Rudy Giuliani was briefly married to himself." - David Letterman

"Experts were worried about China's reaction to President Bush's meeting with the Dalai Lama, but Bush says he doesn't think the meeting will damage our relationship with China. Then Bush said, 'But this might,' and took a huge bite out of a panda bear sandwich." - Conan O'Brien

"Obama and Cheney are actually cousins, but Barack did not inherit the family sneer." - David Letterman

"Isn't that amazing, Obama and Cheney related? Dick Cheney now has more blacks and gays in his own family than in the entire Republican Party." - Jay Leno

"A baker in Austria is in trouble for making his employees pay for the time they spend in the bathroom. This guy will record their bathroom breaks and then deduct the money from their pay. Can you imagine that? That's got to be Senator Craig's worst nightmare." - Jay Leno