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Sunday, July 08, 2007

Humor for lexophiles

  • I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

  • Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

  • Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

  • The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

  • The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work

  • To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

  • When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

  • The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

  • A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

  • A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

  • Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

  • We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

  • When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , U.C.L.A.

  • The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

  • The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground

  • The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

  • If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

  • A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

  • A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

  • A will is a dead giveaway.

  • Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

  • A backward poet writes inverse.

  • In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

  • A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

  • If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

  • With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

  • Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

  • When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

  • The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

  • A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in Fran ce , resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

  • You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

  • Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.

  • He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

  • A calendar's days are numbered.

  • A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

  • A boiled egg is hard to beat.

  • He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

  • A plateau is a high form of flattery.

  • Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

  • When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

  • If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine .

  • When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

  • Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead the dough basis.

  • Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

  • Acupuncture: a jab well done.

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6 Comments:

Blogger Peacechick Mary said...

Groaaaannnn! Ha!

title="comment permalink">July 08, 2007 10:02 PM  
Blogger John Good said...

It's so nice to be appreciated. . .lol

title="comment permalink">July 08, 2007 10:20 PM  
Blogger Stan Matuska said...

I don't get it. =)

title="comment permalink">July 08, 2007 10:23 PM  
Blogger Chuck said...

HA!HA! Those are excellent!

title="comment permalink">July 09, 2007 11:46 AM  
Blogger Robert Rouse said...

John, do you think people who don't drive a Lexus will get these jokes - or just Lexophiles?

title="comment permalink">July 09, 2007 5:19 PM  
Blogger John Good said...

Stan - That's what I've heard. ;)

Chuck - Thanks! Trying to add more humor back into the mix.

Robert - Don't ask about the bike riders. . .

title="comment permalink">July 09, 2007 8:49 PM  

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