Spells that Work!

Spell to Get Measles: 1. Find someone who has measles. 2. Lick them.

Spell to Turn Day Into Night: 1) Stand facing a large tree or wall. 2) Close eyes tightly. 3) Keeping eyes closed, run straight ahead as fast as you can.

Spell to Breathe Under-Water: 1) Attach concrete block to your feet. 2) Jump into water. 3) Breathe normally and sing the tune to "Flipper". 4) Takes about 5 minutes for lungs to adjust.

Spell to Commune With Pink Elephants: 1) Pour glass of vodka or alcoholic drink of choice. 2) Drink. 3) Repeat steps 1-3.

Spell to Attract Lightning: 1) Cover yourself in metal: jewellery, chains, golf clubs,nails, nuts & bolts, hub-caps, etc. 2) Go out into a thunderstorm and hold a long TV antenna high in the air. 3) Wait.

Spell to Stop a Runny Nose: 1. Get two cotton balls. 2. Shove one up each nostril. 3. Tape them there.

Spell to Make a Person fall in Love with You: 1. Call person at least thirty times a day. 2. Park outside their house and shut your headlights off. 3. Leave sweet tokens on doorstep (i.e.-roses without petals, a nice headless Barbie doll...) 4. Follow them everywhere they go--careful, they'll try to lose you! 5. Don't worry if they get that silly restraining order, that means the spell is working!

Spell to Make Your Computer Fast: 1. Open Window. 2. Throw Computer out window. (If the computer hit ground really fast, the spell worked.)

Spell to Save on Gas: 1. Cut holes in floorboards of car. 2. Remove shoes. 3. While still seated, pedal feet really fast. 4. Scream "Yabba Dabba Do!" Optional: Invite passengers to join in the fun!

A Spell to Go to the Bathroom: 1) Drink so much water that you think you will burst. 2) Drink another glass anyway. 3) Wait ten minutes, then guzzle a can of Pepsi. 4) Repeat step 3 as often as desired to increase the spell's effect. Alternate Spell to Go to the Bathroom 1. Eat a bushel of prunes. 2. Take a dose of Exlax. 3. Wait. Stay close to the bathroom!

WARNING: Spells are not guaranteed. Use at your own risk.