Who's really in charge
"President Bush is putting together his presidential library, and apparently the library is going to cost $500 million, which works out to $100 million per book. Expensive books, they're popouts." - Conan O'Brien
Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.
"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."
"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light." The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.
But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.
He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?"
"Yes, I do." said Bob.
"Did you, ER, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?"
"Well, um, yes," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out, "I have to admit that I did."
"And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?"
Bob's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did." "Why do you ask?"
"She just died and left me everything."
(And you thought the ending would be different, didn't you?... )
Yes, once again it's "Make your own caption" day here at Left in Aboite. This one's in honor of our illustrious John Q.Public! Sorry, JQP, I know I promised never to post your childhood pictures, but. . .DAMN IT, we miss you here! (sniff) DAMN YOU ARIZONA (Sorry AZGoddess)! Do him proud and . .amaze me!
Comedy writers all across America have been buoyed by news that President Bush is looking to raise half-a-billion dollars to build his legacy-burnishing presidential library.
The embers glowed softly, and in their dim light,
I gazed round the room and I cherished the sight.
My wife was asleep, her head on my chest,
My daughter beside me, angelic in rest.
Outside the snow fell, a blanket of white,
Transforming the yard to a winter delight.
The sparkling lights in the tree I believe,
Completed the magic that was Christmas Eve.
My eyelids were heavy, my breathing was deep,
Secure and surrounded by love I would sleep.
In perfect contentment, or so it would seem,
So I slumbered, perhaps I started to dream.
The sound wasn't loud, and it wasn't too near,
But I opened my eyes when it tickled my ear.
Perhaps just a cough, I didn't quite know,
Then the sure sound of footsteps outside in the snow.
My soul gave a tremble, I struggled to hear,
And I crept to the door just to see who was near.
Standing out in the cold and the dark of the night,
A lone figure stood, his face weary and tight.
A soldier, I puzzled, some twenty years old,
Perhaps a Marine, huddled here in the cold.
Alone in the dark, he looked up and smiled,
Standing watch over me, and my wife and my child.
"What are you doing?" I asked without fear,
"Come in this moment, it's freezing out here!
Put down your pack, brush the snow from your sleeve,
You should be at home on a cold Christmas Eve!"
For barely a moment I saw his eyes shift,
Away from the cold and the snow blown in drifts...
To the window that danced with a warm fire's light
Then he sighed and he said "Its really all right,
I'm out here by choice. I'm here every night."
"It's my duty to stand at the front of the line,
That separates you from the darkest of times.
No one had to ask or beg or implore me,
I'm proud to stand here like my fathers before me.
My Gramps died at 'Pearl on a day in December,"
Then he sighed, "That's a Christmas 'Gram always remembers."
My dad stood his watch in the jungles of 'Nam',
And now it is my turn and so, here I am.
I've not seen my own son in more than a while,
But my wife sends me pictures, he's sure got her smile.
Then he bent and he carefully pulled from his bag,
The red, white, and blue... an American flag.
I can live through the cold and the being alone,
Away from my family, my house and my home.
I can stand at my post through the rain and the sleet,
I can sleep in a foxhole with little to eat.
I can carry the weight of killing another,
Or lay down my life with my sister and brother...
Who stand at the front against any and all,
To ensure for all time that this flag will not fall."
"So go back inside," he said, "harbor no fright,
Your family is waiting and I'll be all right."
"But isn't there something I can do, at the least,
"Give you money," I asked, "or prepare you a feast?
It seems all too little for all that you've done,
For being away from your wife and your son."
Then his eye welled a tear that held no regret,
"Just tell us you love us, and never forget.
To fight for our rights back at home while we're gone,
To stand your own watch, no matter how long.
For when we come home, either standing or dead,
To know you remember we fought and we bled.
Is payment enough, and with that we will trust,
That we mattered to you as you mattered to us."
It's official: The war in Iraq has now lasted longer than the U.S. involvement in World War II. As of Sunday, the conflict in Iraq has raged for three years and just over eight months. Only the Vietnam War (eight years, five months), the Revolutionary War (six years, nine months), and the Civil War (four years), have engaged America longer.
When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 Hours in a day is not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee:
By now most of you are familiar with Paul Hipp's song about Ted Haggard, "Meth and Man Ass". . .Here's another effort I just stumbled across:
A young man names John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a really bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with obscenities.
Okay. . .one final retro moment for the evening. . .the heavy heavy monster sounds of Madness: ONE STEP BEYOND!
Heh. . .I'm on a nostalgia trip this evening! Wierd Al's take-off on "Jeopardy" by the Greg Khinn Band - Circa 1983. Look for the cameo appearance by Dr.Dimento! If you don't recall the original video, the ending scene remains the same. . .except for Al landing in the back seat of the "getaway car". . .
Planet P - Circa 1982 methinks. . .I LOVED this song.
Labels: Planet P
A video of Tim Curry performing his song "I do the rock" at the Paradise Garage. And you thought he only sang songs about sweet trans-sexuals from Transylvania. . .
Labels: Tim Curry
In a Crocodile Dundee-like moment, a Florida convenience store clerk repelled a machete-wielding robber by pulling out her own machete from behind the store's counter, a faceoff captured by a store surveillance camera.
Paging George Carlin. . .Mr.Carlin, your country needs you. . .
A Liberal's Pledge to Disheartened Conservatives ...by Michael Moore
"Bush and Putin were both dismayed by the fact that red fabrics were scarce in certain parts of Asia".
"I and senior management agree with the American public that this was an ill-considered project," said Rupert Murdoch, News Corp. chairman.
One night, George W. Bush is tossing restlessly in his White House bed. He awakens to see George Washington standing by him. Bush asks him, "George, what's the best thing I can do to help the country?"
"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," Washington advises, and then fades away.
The next night, Bush is astir again, and sees the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moving through the darkened bedroom. Bush calls out, "Tom, please! What is the best thing I can do to help the country?"
"Respect the Constitution, as I did," Jefferson advises, and dims from sight.
The third night sleep is still not in the cards for Bush. He awakens to see the ghost of FDR hovering over his bed. Bush whispers, "Franklin, What is the best thing I can do to help the country?"
"Help the less fortunate, just as I did," FDR replies and fades into the mist.
Bush isn't sleeping well the fourth night when he sees another figure moving in the shadows. It is the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. Bush pleads, "Abe, what is the best thing I can do right now to help the country?"
Lincoln replies, "Go see a play."
As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will.
11/16/06 (From John Murtha)
Okay. . .you may have noticed that I am slowly trying to crawl out of my intense political skin now that the mid-terms are over. So, back once again by popular demand or just because I wish to be amused, it's "Make your own quote" day here at Left in Aboite!
Check out The Young Turks every morning on Air America from 6-9 AM! If you don't have XM Satellite Radio, then check them out online and in-studio HERE..
What she said… and what she meant:
Someone on another blog was discussing this recently: How to get a real live human being on the telephone when you call a company or government agency. It’s a good refresher on how to actually cut through the voice recorded “Your call is important to us” BS.
For Europe and much of the rest of the world, our repudiation of the Bush administration in Tuesday's midterm elections and the dismissal Rumsfeld on Wednesday confirmed the widespread view that Bush and his policies have done more to tarnish America's image abroad and destroy its world relations than any other U.S. president in recent history. Indeed, the seismic political shift in the U.S. was greeted in many places less with jubilation than with a deep sense of relief that Americans had at long last come to their senses.
Speaker of the House-to-be Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) endorsed Rep. John Murtha (D-PA) in the election for House majority leader yesterday, citing Murtha's calls for a U.S. withdrawal from Iraq as a major factor in her decision. Murtha is running against current House minority whip Steny Hoyer (D-MD).
Congressional Democrats announced today that they will press new legislation next week to restore the Office of the Special Inspector General for Iraq Reconstruction, as well as expanding it's investigative powers. That federal agency, responsible for ferreting out waste and corruption in Iraq, was set to be terminated under a Republican-backed provision that was slipped into a huge military authorization bill.
Tomorrow will be the first "Meet The Press" since the Democrats swept both the House and the Senate in the midterm elections, and ThinkProgress and HuffPo's own Stephen Kaus point out something interesting: Special guests Senators John McCain and Joe Lieberman were not part of the aforementioned Democratic sweeping of the House and Senate. While both are obviously experienced and no doubt chatty (we know this from McCain's regular appearances on the show), it's interesting to note what they were invited on the program to discuss: "The midterm election results, the Iraq war, the Gates nomination and setting the stage for 2008." Considering both McCain and Lieberman's traditional support for the war, it seems an oddly exclusive choice, not inviting any Democratic candidate who ran — and won — on an anti-war platform to the table (no doubt they were all busy; Russert fan favorite Nancy Pelosi hasn't been doing much press). While Joe Lieberman has reaffirmed his party identification as a Democrat, his electoral experience was an unusual one and not one generally held up as emblematic of the overarching trends in this election (see Claire McCaskill; Jon Tester; Sherrod Brown; and — thank God, that was a close one — Jim Webb). While it's true that MTP host Tim Russert has been running left like the rest of the press in recent months, this post-election slate could have been lively and fresh and instead it will feature a guy whose views we've heard again and again and someone whose election experience was so unique and anomalous that it seems a distraction to bring him front and center right now, especially to weigh in on where the Democrats are going. More than anything, it speaks to how "Meet The Press" is a dinosaur, stubbornly staying with the safe and familiar and digging its heels in to change. After an election where voters surged out in surprising numbers to make sure that they elected a party that would actually force some change, it seems strange to bring on two guests who are so closely aligned with the biggest thing that needed changing.
Okay, this is the third time I've seen this now, and it hasn't failed to make me laugh yet! So I just had to post it here for the rest of ya!
From AP reports
From AP reports:
Democratic National Committee Chairman Howard Dean today issued the following statement regarding the 2006 election results:
"Today the American people sent a clear message for a new direction. Voting for hope and opportunity, they rejected the Republican culture of corruption and the politics of fear and smear.
"I want to congratulate all of our Democratic candidates who ran strong campaigns, worked hard, and offered the American people a clear choice and a strong vision for a new direction based on the priorities of the American people. The American voters also sent a message to Democrats that if we show up, work hard and ask for their vote, we can win in any part of the country.
"I also want to congratulate Representatives Emanuel and Pelosi, Senators Reid and Schumer, DGA Chair Governor Bill Richardson and DLCC Chair Joan Fitz-Gerald, Colorado State Senate President, for their hard work. Our work doesn't end tonight; it begins tomorrow as we put forward an agenda that puts the American people first. Democrats are unified and ready to change the tone of politics in Washington to get things done for the American people."We will honor the trust the American people have put in us with the promise that we will respect all Americans. We will value your beliefs and your families as we restore America to its position of moral leadership thought the world. Together America will be stronger. Together we will move America in a new direction."
HAT TIP to SUMO!
This one just HAD to be brought out and dusted off after yesterday!
From the country's heartland, voters sent messages that altered America's culture wars and dismayed the religious right — defending abortion rights in South Dakota, endorsing stem cell research in Missouri, and, in a national first, rejecting a same-sex marriage ban in Arizona.
With 209 of 555 precincts reporting:
For your amusement, by Stan Matuska
The New York Times said today that for the first time in memory it would be endorsing no Republican congressional candidates this year. The Times editorial criticized the Republican led Congress on everything from tax cuts to energy policy, and for failing to hold Bush accountable for Iraq.
Statement of Third District Congressional candidate Dr. Tom Hayhurst on the issues of keeping America safe and bringing the Iraq War to an honorable conclusion:
On Sunday Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee (DCCC) Chairman Rahm Emanuel will appear on NBC's Meet the Press to engage in his final debate with Tom Reynolds, the embattled Chairman of our Republican counterpart, the National Republican Campaign Committee (NRCC). The last two years have been a brutal battle between the two parties and an inspirational effort on behalf of all Democrats, both in Washington, D.C. and in the grassroots all across the country.
Reports are already coming out regarding electronic machines flipping votes. First, from Florida:
I just finished watching the Channel 39 debate between our two candidates for 3rd District Congress. My thoughts are that Souder was more nervous than in the last debate. Hayhurst seemed a bit nervous as well, but stayed more focused and "on message" with his remarks. This was an entirely different forum from he IPFW debate we recently saw; it was a more relaxed atmosphere, and both men had plenty of time to express their views. My final impression was of Mark Souder bragging about his party cutting the deficit in half recently. . .HUH? I must have missed this little bit of news. I seem to recall a budget surplus, courtesy of Mr.Clinton and Mr.Gore, when these asshats took over full control of our nation some sad, long six years ago (By theft, no less).